It is very, very tempting when we go through rocky times in a romantic relationship (or pretty much any relationship, for that matter) to point the finger at a partner when things are not going well and make it sound like it’s just their journey, like we can’t do much about it. To be clear, I don’t mean you need to try to save an addict who keeps falling off the wagon, or stay with someone who is abusive. (I would argue that falls under the category of ‘enabling’ as well as jeopardizes your safety.) However, the power of your own life to transform a situation has an infinite amount of influence that we are unable to tap into when we start blaming others and asking for just them to change. The most growth we experience as human beings comes from interacting with and learning how to be with other people, and we always have a responsibility for our own part in our situations. It takes two!
Just as a plant needs certain things to grow, and it’s different for everyone, so do your partner and your relationship. And what makes you grow on a personal level is gonna be something totally different for someone else, so you can’t put your own ideas on someone else about what they need. You have to find out – do they need more soil? More water? More sun light? If your partner is battling depression, do they need support while getting professional help? Do they need better communication? Are they not sure what they need right now so it’s best to remain still and just wait and listen? You wouldn’t stand in front of your seedling that’s trying to sprout, screaming GROOOOOOOOOOOWWW! Would you? (Uh, I hope not!) You’d nurture it and listen to it as it starts to peek its green shoots up out of the soil, and you’d delight in it the first day it gave you a flower.
Do you want to make things work? Do you want to allow something to take root and tell you what it needs as it extends toward the sky? Because if you truly do, then blaming your mate and avoiding your own growth is gonna kill what you’ve planted, Boo. You have to listen and provide support for what the situation demands. It demands that you’re the one there helping them balance. That you give them your hands along the way. And that you guys work together as a team.
Designer & Stylist: Peggy Khoucasian / Writer: Christie Cole